About This Site

Sean Keane is a stand-up comic living in San Francisco. This is a place for Sean Keanes and Sean Keane Enthusiasts.

I also write SportsCentr and contribute to NBA Off-Season, NFL Off-Season, and The World's Game.

Email: mrseankeane (at) gmail (dot) com

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  1. Sunday, June 1st 2014
  2. New Neighbors

    The first new neighbors I’ve met are a mother-daughter pair, both named Lupe, who share separate floors of a duplex. They only speak Spanish, so I struggled through a conversation, resisting the urge to ask what their favorite colors were or mention a biblioteca. Two highlights from our chat:

    I told the mayor Lupe that I had to assemble my bed, getting the correct verb on my fourth attempt. Lupe told me that I really should have two beds - one for sleeping, and one for “amor.” Then she laughed for two minutes.

    Lupe also explained that as a bartender, it didn’t matter if she spoke English - what matters is that she was good at counting money. I told her, “Dinero es mas importante que palabras,” and we laughed again. Only later did I realize that, as an aspiring writer, that wasn’t a great sign. I’d only been in Los Angeles a few hours, and already I was telling a stranger that money was more important than words. Or maybe it means I might have the right attitude for show business after all.

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  4. Tuesday, May 20th 2014
  5. “This has been an atrocious, incredibly depressing and mind-numbingly inane experience I would not wish on anyone. I wish the city the best of luck in finding some schmuck eager to transcribe every last misogynistic joke, self-indulgent anecdote and pathetic pandering attempt by council, and every tinfoil hat conspiracy theory, racist aside, and NIMBY asshattery from the lovely council meeting frequent flyers, without which, surely our democracy could not flourish.“
    An excerpt from the resignation letter of the city clerk of my hometown, Pleasant Hill, CA.
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  7. Thursday, May 8th 2014
  8. BART has new refurbished train cars. I, as always, have strong feelings about BART. Check out this clip, and learn more about the #1 transit system in the world. Besides, I won’t have any material about the LA Metro for at least four or five weeks.

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  10. Thursday, April 24th 2014
  11. Throwback Thursday, Coach Sean edition. #tbt (at Pleasant Hill Aquatics)

    Throwback Thursday, Coach Sean edition. #tbt (at Pleasant Hill Aquatics)

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  13. Tuesday, April 8th 2014
  14. While cleaning my office, I found this post-it note from when I hosted a college comedy show on the night of 9/11. We sold all the tickets in cash, so we felt like we couldn’t cancel. A bunch of people still signed up for the post-show open mic we’d advertised, because, hey, stage time! These were my notes for “banter” during the open mic, and they are perhaps the best-ever example of “too soon”. (at Blake’s on Telegraph)

    While cleaning my office, I found this post-it note from when I hosted a college comedy show on the night of 9/11. We sold all the tickets in cash, so we felt like we couldn’t cancel. A bunch of people still signed up for the post-show open mic we’d advertised, because, hey, stage time! These were my notes for “banter” during the open mic, and they are perhaps the best-ever example of “too soon”. (at Blake’s on Telegraph)

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  16. Sunday, March 2nd 2014
  17. Every year, Joey Devine and I watch all of the Best Picture nominees in a row, on the day before the Oscars. That’s the best way to enjoy and appreciate cinema - in an exhausting block that doubles as an endurance contest. Anyway, we consolidated all of our video recaps into one megamix, so please enjoy.

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  19. Tuesday, February 25th 2014
  20. 7:40pm|reblogged from MLB Off-Season:
    Joey’s Photoshop work deserves its own post.
mlboffseason:

(via Joey Devine)

    Joey’s Photoshop work deserves its own post.

    mlboffseason:

    (via Joey Devine)

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  22. If the Academy Award Best Picture nominees were San Francisco Giants

    This week is the 86th Academy Awards AND the opening of spring training for the San Francisco Giants. As a big fan of both, I had to ask myself that age-old question: If the Academy Award Best Picture nominees were San Francisco Giants, what players would they be? Here’s my best guess:

    Gravity: Pablo Sandoval. He’s very vulnerable to the forces pulling him back to Earth, and he’s also eaten a LOT of ice cream, freeze-dried or otherwise, in his day.

    American Hustle: Angel Pagan. He’s Puerto Rican, but that’s part of America, OK? Much like the movie, Pagan is flashy, he’s got great hair, he’s extremely watchable, and he probably made more money than he deserved last year. Also, they’ve both been hamstrung by their own ambition - David O. Russell’s plot gets lost in the sprawl, Pagan tears his actual hamstring stretching out a game-winning inside-the-park home run. Though she’d be woefully miscast, I would be fascinated to see Jennifer Lawrence play center field for the Giants.

    Dallas Buyers Club: Brandon Belt, who hails from Nacogdoches, Texas. If he were the star of the movie, the whole plot would revolve around smuggling illicit Olive Garden appetizers across the
    Mexican border.

    Philomena: Marco Scutaro, because he’s a scrappy underdog - a journeyman middle infielder who is the baseball equivalent of a low-budget indie film. If you named his first few years in the majors after an actress, it would be Dame Judi Bench.

    12 Years A Slave: Tim Hudson, although you’d have to call it “Nine Years A Brave.” The brutality of the ankle-breaking scene would get this player a hard-R rating.

    Captain Phillips: The Giants do not have a designated team captain, so I would award this to reliever Javier Lopez, who the team rescued from the nefarious Pittsburgh Pirates in a daring 2010 trade that left John Bowker’s career dead.

    The Wolf Of Wall Street: Hunter Pence, because he always looks and plays like he’s just done few rails of cocaine. Pence is surprisingly funny. He also signed a lucrative long-term contract extension last fall, which some experts have denounced as an elaborate scheme to steal the club’s money, while others say that, like the movie, that contract is just way too long.

    Nebraska: Bruce Bochy, because he’s old,. His hair is black and white, and his head is the size of Nebraska.

    Her: Tim Lincecum. He’s got a creepy mustache, and he’s been known to act like a Jackass. And of course there’s this:

    image

    (image by Joey Devine)

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  24. Wednesday, February 19th 2014
  25. Goldies 2014 Comedy: Sean Keane | SF Bay Guardian

    San Francisco’s alternative paper of record was nice enough to give me a “Goldie” - the Guardian Outstanding Local Discovery Award - which is almost as nice as when Laughspin said they had “never heard of me” last month.

    Honestly it is a very nice profile by George McIntire, and I hope I don’t come off looking like too much of an asshole, either in my quotes or my photo. (There were some test shots where I was shirtless under my suit jacket, standing in a tunnel… I don’t want to talk about it.) It’s also a paper that I would read voraciously when I was younger - I don’t think I ever felt cooler than flipping through the Bay Guardian at Blondie’s Pizza after buying used CDs at Rasputin’s. Cheap Eats! Tom Tomorrow! Frightening but intriguing ads for escort services!

    Anyway, this is really a testament to all the talented and hilarious people I get to work with all the time (Chris, Alex, Bucky, Caitlin, Anna, Joey, Kevin, Nato, Emily, etc.), all the comics who have helped me out over the years (Moshe, Louis, Ali, Sheng, etc.), and everyone who comes to shows, particularly The Business. And as Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner would both attest, it is an honor just to be featured in The Guardian.

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  27. Monday, February 17th 2014
  28. The true highlight of the NBA All-Star Game was Aloe Blacc’s remarkably bad performance of “The Man,” or as my mom would say “That Colin Kaepernick song.” There’s something magical about someone who is doing so terribly repeating, “I’m the man” over and over. Maybe it sounds better through Beats By Dre headphones?

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