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Sean Keane is a stand-up comic living in San Francisco. This is a place for Sean Keanes and Sean Keane Enthusiasts.

I also write SportsCentr and contribute to NBA Off-Season, NFL Off-Season, and The World's Game.

Email: mrseankeane (at) gmail (dot) com

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  1. Tuesday, April 8th 2014
  2. While cleaning my office, I found this post-it note from when I hosted a college comedy show on the night of 9/11. We sold all the tickets in cash, so we felt like we couldn’t cancel. A bunch of people still signed up for the post-show open mic we’d advertised, because, hey, stage time! These were my notes for “banter” during the open mic, and they are perhaps the best-ever example of “too soon”. (at Blake’s on Telegraph)

    While cleaning my office, I found this post-it note from when I hosted a college comedy show on the night of 9/11. We sold all the tickets in cash, so we felt like we couldn’t cancel. A bunch of people still signed up for the post-show open mic we’d advertised, because, hey, stage time! These were my notes for “banter” during the open mic, and they are perhaps the best-ever example of “too soon”. (at Blake’s on Telegraph)

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  4. Sunday, March 2nd 2014
  5. Every year, Joey Devine and I watch all of the Best Picture nominees in a row, on the day before the Oscars. That’s the best way to enjoy and appreciate cinema - in an exhausting block that doubles as an endurance contest. Anyway, we consolidated all of our video recaps into one megamix, so please enjoy.

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  7. Tuesday, February 25th 2014
  8. 7:40pm|reblogged from MLB Off-Season:
    Joey’s Photoshop work deserves its own post.
mlboffseason:

(via Joey Devine)

    Joey’s Photoshop work deserves its own post.

    mlboffseason:

    (via Joey Devine)

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  10. If the Academy Award Best Picture nominees were San Francisco Giants

    This week is the 86th Academy Awards AND the opening of spring training for the San Francisco Giants. As a big fan of both, I had to ask myself that age-old question: If the Academy Award Best Picture nominees were San Francisco Giants, what players would they be? Here’s my best guess:

    Gravity: Pablo Sandoval. He’s very vulnerable to the forces pulling him back to Earth, and he’s also eaten a LOT of ice cream, freeze-dried or otherwise, in his day.

    American Hustle: Angel Pagan. He’s Puerto Rican, but that’s part of America, OK? Much like the movie, Pagan is flashy, he’s got great hair, he’s extremely watchable, and he probably made more money than he deserved last year. Also, they’ve both been hamstrung by their own ambition - David O. Russell’s plot gets lost in the sprawl, Pagan tears his actual hamstring stretching out a game-winning inside-the-park home run. Though she’d be woefully miscast, I would be fascinated to see Jennifer Lawrence play center field for the Giants.

    Dallas Buyers Club: Brandon Belt, who hails from Nacogdoches, Texas. If he were the star of the movie, the whole plot would revolve around smuggling illicit Olive Garden appetizers across the
    Mexican border.

    Philomena: Marco Scutaro, because he’s a scrappy underdog - a journeyman middle infielder who is the baseball equivalent of a low-budget indie film. If you named his first few years in the majors after an actress, it would be Dame Judi Bench.

    12 Years A Slave: Tim Hudson, although you’d have to call it “Nine Years A Brave.” The brutality of the ankle-breaking scene would get this player a hard-R rating.

    Captain Phillips: The Giants do not have a designated team captain, so I would award this to reliever Javier Lopez, who the team rescued from the nefarious Pittsburgh Pirates in a daring 2010 trade that left John Bowker’s career dead.

    The Wolf Of Wall Street: Hunter Pence, because he always looks and plays like he’s just done few rails of cocaine. Pence is surprisingly funny. He also signed a lucrative long-term contract extension last fall, which some experts have denounced as an elaborate scheme to steal the club’s money, while others say that, like the movie, that contract is just way too long.

    Nebraska: Bruce Bochy, because he’s old,. His hair is black and white, and his head is the size of Nebraska.

    Her: Tim Lincecum. He’s got a creepy mustache, and he’s been known to act like a Jackass. And of course there’s this:

    image

    (image by Joey Devine)

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  12. Wednesday, February 19th 2014
  13. Goldies 2014 Comedy: Sean Keane | SF Bay Guardian

    San Francisco’s alternative paper of record was nice enough to give me a “Goldie” - the Guardian Outstanding Local Discovery Award - which is almost as nice as when Laughspin said they had “never heard of me” last month.

    Honestly it is a very nice profile by George McIntire, and I hope I don’t come off looking like too much of an asshole, either in my quotes or my photo. (There were some test shots where I was shirtless under my suit jacket, standing in a tunnel… I don’t want to talk about it.) It’s also a paper that I would read voraciously when I was younger - I don’t think I ever felt cooler than flipping through the Bay Guardian at Blondie’s Pizza after buying used CDs at Rasputin’s. Cheap Eats! Tom Tomorrow! Frightening but intriguing ads for escort services!

    Anyway, this is really a testament to all the talented and hilarious people I get to work with all the time (Chris, Alex, Bucky, Caitlin, Anna, Joey, Kevin, Nato, Emily, etc.), all the comics who have helped me out over the years (Moshe, Louis, Ali, Sheng, etc.), and everyone who comes to shows, particularly The Business. And as Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner would both attest, it is an honor just to be featured in The Guardian.

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  15. Monday, February 17th 2014
  16. The true highlight of the NBA All-Star Game was Aloe Blacc’s remarkably bad performance of “The Man,” or as my mom would say “That Colin Kaepernick song.” There’s something magical about someone who is doing so terribly repeating, “I’m the man” over and over. Maybe it sounds better through Beats By Dre headphones?

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  18. Friday, February 14th 2014
  19. 2:14pm|reblogged from SportsCentr:

    Some Sean Keane standup from last week, about the NFC Championship Game, Richard Sherman, and World War II. From The Business SF.

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  21. Sunday, February 2nd 2014
  22. Caitlin and I love sports!

    Caitlin and I love sports!

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  24. Caitlin Gill knows nothing about sports. I know everything about sports. Neither of us know anything about lighting. Learn the rules of the game and get ready for the Super Bowl with “sports! with sean and caitlin.”

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  26. Friday, January 31st 2014
  27. AN NFL Rules Guide for the Casual Fan

    Sunday is the Super Bowl, the biggest football game of the year. (As my soccer enthusiast father would like me to point out, it’s the biggest AMERICAN football game of the year. “It’s confusing, i’n’t it?” he’d say, tossing his scarf over one shoulder. He’s not actually British.) Many people will be attending Super Bowl parties and watching football for the first time in a year, admiring the various dips and shushing partygoers during commercials.

    For them, I present my annual primer about the rules of American football. This will help you understand what happens when the whistle blows and a referee tosses a yellow handkerchief on the field. Football is so delicate! (As a side note, nothing is simultaneously more macho and effeminate as a sports bar full of bros flopping their wrists to demand a penalty flag.) Read, learn, laugh, love. To paraphrase Seattle’s own Macklemore, “It’s and weird and it sucks,” and if you don’t like it, blame Grammy voters.

    Yards: OK, first of all, football is still measured in yards, because the metric system is for the Canadian Football League. And communist queers. The field is a hundred yards, and each team must advance the ball ten yards (that’s 9.14 meters, comrade!) within four plays, or they forfeit the ball. If they advance the ten yards successfully, they get a new set of four downs, which is indicated by the phrase “first down.” And, yes, after the very first time that happens, it’s not really “first” anymore. WE GET IT. Usually teams will punt or kick a field goal on fourth down.

    Points: A touchdown is worth six points. After a touchdown, a team can kick a twenty-yard (18.29 meters, Vladimir!) field goal, and get a bonus point, or they can try to get the ball into the end zone from the same distance, for two points. This second strategy is generally reserved for teams who are confident and/or desperate, and is called a “two-point conversion.” That is also what it’s called if you can get a relatively small deer to join your evangelical church. Tim Tebow is excellent at both types.

    Read More

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