January 2012
15 posts
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Moneyball 2012: Jose Canseco Director's Cut
(via mlboffseason)
Moneyball 2012
By Aaron Sorkin & Sean Keane
(SCENE: The ramshackle Oakland front office’s conference room. Oakland scouts fidget nervously, staring at their own pagers rather than each other. Billy Beane bursts into the conference room waving a printout.)
Billy Beane: Guys, you’re still trying to replace Gio Gonzalez. I told you we can’t do it. We can’t do it. Now what...
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We Are the 49%: Why the 49ers Should Be the Team...
MIC CHECK! Sports fandom and political activism are not mutually exclusive, but it’s understandable that activists in the Occupy moment have not been following the NFL season closely this fall. Who should they support today? I think the general consensus should be the San Francisco 49ers.
In the pre-season, pundits gave the 49ers only a 1% chance to reach the Super Bowl.
The 49ers defense...
Championship Game Commercial Predictions
SPORTS JOKES
(via nfloffseason)
If the 49ers win, expect Alex Smith to immediately sign a deal with Domino’s Pizza. “Everyone thought I sucked, and then I got a lot better. While that still only bumps me up to mediocre, I’m also cheap.”
If the Giants win, Eli Manning will film another Double Stuff Racing League commercial, but his new partner will be Andrew Luck.
Depending on his postgame...
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"Offensive holding: This happens when an offensive... →
My NFL rules guide appeared on the East Bay Express blog today. This could be the beginning of a beautiful alt-weekly friendship.
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“Love Is Like A Bottle Of Gin,”...
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Rules for the New San Francisco Football Fan
The 49ers are set to play the New Orleans Saints tomorrow in their first playoff game since 2003. Many San Franciscans haven’t cared much for football in the interim, since the team has been terrible, Sunday is a great day for farmers markets, and January is only eight months away from Burning Man and you can never make too many dreamcatchers in advance. So for those who will be watching...
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Behind The Inside Of The Numbers: Detroit at New...
Another in depth football preview, via nfloffseason
Detroit leaves their dome for less friendlier indoor confines in New Orleans in a matchup of two 5,000-yard passers. How do we decide between such high-powered offenses? Time to go Behind The Inside Of The Numbers!
Worst failure by trusted leadership New Orleans: President Bush was president of the United States from 2001-2008. In 2005, Bush...
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Behind The Inside Of The Numbers: Cincinnati at...
I’m writing some playoff previews for NFL Off-Season, and for the sports-averse, they contain virtually no analysis, though they do discuss the academic backgrounds of the team mascots. First up is Cincinnati at Houston.
nfloffseason:
Today, Cincinnati visits Houston in the Texans’ first playoff game ever, which means David Carr can finally cut his hair. Houston is a four-point favorite,...
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My Favorite New York Times Correction of the Year
Correction: January 4, 2012
An earlier version of this article misspelled part of the title of a segment of “The Daily Show” that featured Colbert. It was “Even Stevphen,” not “Stephven.”
(From “How Many Stephen Colberts Are There?”)
December 2011
7 posts
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Childhood Jokes Rewritten as Editorial Commentary... →
This is a thing I wrote in college when I was reading a lot of Christopher Hitchens essays and feeling angry at the world and smarter than everyone else in a way that only a 21-year-old can be. I was cribbing most of these Kissinger slams from him, so I let Hitchens share the byline.
* * *
Two traveling salesmen and Henry Kissinger are walking down the road. It’s getting dark, so they stop...
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My Vans Sponsorship Packet
Please support Dave Ross in his efforts to obtain sponsorship from Vans, so that he can go on the Warped Tour and achieve his lifelong dream of meeting Less Than Jake.
davetotheross:
I can’t think of anything more hilarious than being sponsored by Vans as a comedian. And thus, I faxed them a packet, and I will continue to fax them this packet and tweet at them until they realize what a genius...
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November 2011
9 posts
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WatchHere is “Keane Wolf: Eclipse”, a video I originally made as part of the smash hit “Keane Wolf” show last year. As a new Twilight movie is upon us once more, enjoy the transformed Keane’s role as Jacob, a werewolf with a much more relatable perspective, and physique.
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Family Circus creator Bil Keane dies at age 89 →
Godpseed, Uncle Bil.
When he gets to heaven, St. Peter’s going to see a dotted line going from Bil’s deathbed to a rope swing, then behind the garage, over a fence, down past the gates of Hell, then over the creek, around the doghouse, and up to the pearly gates.
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While Delaney states that "this is not a joke," it... →
October 2011
5 posts
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Watchchrisgarcia:
Brunch Dad: A new sketch starring Sammy Wegent, Edwin Li, and me. Written and Directed by Christopher Reagan. DP Paul Encinas.
Two great Chrises, one great sketch.
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WatchHere’s the promo video for out last Los Angeles Business show of 2011. It’s this Friday at the Nerdist Theater (back of Meltdown Comics), and advance tickets are available (with no fee!) at NerdMeltLA.com. Tickets are $8 in advance, $10 at the door, and as always, we’ll be raffling off a deluxe Mission District burrito - and if you’ve ever been to El Farolito, you know...
September 2011
2 posts
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My Night At "Moneyball"
There was construction on 4th Street in front of the Metreon when we arrived to see “Moneyball” at midnight, The sidewalk was closed, and there were many confusing detour signs. What would Billy Beane do, I asked myself, glancing down at my WWBBD bracelet. (What Would Billy Beane Do, though formerly it stood for World Wide Bell Biv Devoe, my old New Jack swing message board.) The...
August 2011
7 posts
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Hurricane Babies
I’m excited for all the Hurricane babies to be born in New York City next Memorial Day. Power outage + fear of death = baby bonanza. Honestly, Netflix Streaming was the only thing keeping the birth rate in check as it is. Expect a lot of babies with the middle name “Irene,” except in Williamsburg, where they’ll probably go with “Katrina,” just for the irony of...
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WatchFrom the archives: The trailer for “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World vs. The Predator”
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WatchBack on April 20th, I interviewed Ike Shehadeh, the proprietor of ground-breaking SF sandwich shop Ike’s Place. What better day to discuss gigantic, delicious sandwiches than 4/20? We talk about Gavin Newsom, reality TV, Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck, and whether Ike would ever let Sean’s girlfriend design a sandwich.
4/25/11
themonkeysyouordered:
We should have flown inside the plane.
This Tumblr of literal New Yorker cartoon captions is my favorite thing of the day.
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London tries tripling police presence to end riots →
As panic spreads through the streets of London, British authorities refuse to consider my foolproof solution: hanging the DJ. They’re already burning down the disco, after all.
July 2011
9 posts
joestarr:
I hate shows about white people looking for ghosts so much.
“GQ: People who have initials for first names are almost always pretty cool....”
– From GQ
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WatchI’m on the Rooftop Comedy Daily 8 today, talking about my new favorite cocktail, the greyhound. Whether you’re planning a cocktail party, or a three-hour bus ride from San Francisco to Ukiah, this is the 50-second video clip for you.
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