March 2008
47 posts
Complaint #160
whitewhine: “Why was the year of my birth such a disappointing year for bordeaux?” -Whine by Stephanie Garfield On the heels of Stuff White People Like comes White Wine, updated daily with white people complaints.
February 2008
51 posts
WatchMy new endeavor with ProTrade is a segment called “Baseball Takes the Bus”, in which I dispense fantasy baseball advice from the back of a bus or MUNI train. This is Episode 3, in which I discuss how second basemen are the community college students of the fantasy baseball world. My portion starts at the two-minute mark.
Read my interview with Al Madrigal the star of the... →
chrisgarcia: Excerpt:You need a good 14-15 years to actually get good. You know, I’m still making a lot of mistakes. But in terms of it being difficult - I’d say being on the show is harder because of the money that is riding on you. If I fuck around and have a bad set at the Punchline on a Thursday night, there aren’t so many people paying attention. But if I fuck up during a taping on a...
“A joke about Barack Obama’s middle name! Wow. Someone just wrote their...”
– Christopher Rouse, film editing Oscar winner (Not really.)
“Film editing! Wow. Someone just took the lead in their Oscar pool based on a...”
– Jon Stewart (via goldenfiddle)
Pocket rumblings
caffeinated: abteen: Earlier, Matt and I were discussing a phenomenon that can only be experienced by our generation. It’s the sensation that something is rumbling in your pocket, when in fact, nothing is actually rumbling in your pocket. This happens to me all the time, even when I don’t have my phone on me. Now that you’ve read this, you’ll notice it all the time. —caffeinated I noticed this...
important roto news!! →
To me, this says that Prince Fielder is now a big pot smoker. If he was just dabbling in vegetarianism, that would be one thing, but he’s flirting with becoming a vegan AND he’s growing dreadlocks. That sounds a lot like Ricky Williams to me. If Prince starts studying holistic medicine, look out. If you missed it when it came out, Esquire writer Chris Jones has a phenomenal article...
WatchFrom 1999, this is the debut single from Chris Webber’s album 2 Much drama. (Ht: The Wizznutzz.) Also, here’s a text message I received last night, during the Warriors win over the Boston Celtics: “at the warriors game right now. chris webber f***ing sucks.” He ended up with 5 points and 4 rebounds in 20 minutes, with plus/minus rating of -8.
WatchThis video meets the excellent standard set by Human Giant, who, in addition to producing a triumphant first season, also memorably pranked my former student Amir, AKA Andy Bloom. These guys showed a great video at Sketchfest as well, so I have high hopes for Season 2. For live Human Giant action, they’ll be at Mezzanine in SF on February 28th. paulscheer: The First Video From the New...
Celebrating the Semicolon in a Most Unlikely... →
This article is of great comfort to me, a staunch supporter of the semicolon from way back. Here’s what I wrote in a Squelch Punctuation Guide back in 2002: Unless you’re an English major, like me, you probably have no idea what the correct use of a semicolon is. This is knowledge reserved for us, the elite few who have passed the full 45 series AND a junior seminar. When is a...
Michael Pollan, on "An Animal's Place" →
Pretty great article on vegetarianism and animal rights. Pollan advocates eating meat that’s raised organically and humanely. He also thinks that American attitudes toward meat production and consumption would change dramatically if it were more visible, which is also my attitude toward the prison system. There’s a reason you find both huge prisons and huge slaughterhouses way out in...
A Mysterious Voice Mail
I got a mysterious voicemail, requesting that I post something on this page. Here’s the transcript of those remarks: “I’m not near a computer, but if you are, I need you to report something:” “I see a shopping cart with a squeegee coming out the back of it. And inside the shopping cart is a big cardboard box, with a t-shirt over it, with a hand-drawn turtle in the...
Prisons and Orgies and Softball →
Florida’s prison system was reportedly way out of control, and this CNN article implies that the cause was…softball: McDonough described a bizarre prison culture among those that ran the system — one that he says seemed obsessed with inter-department softball games and the orgies after games. “I cannot explain how big an obsession softball had become,” he said....
Current most popular CNN Stories
1. Top reasons you’re not having sex 2. Ex-prison boss: Orgies were common 3. Showdown looms in Berkeley 4. When are my shows back? 5. Obama hopes for hat trick Tuesday
gripe
I think we should call the new, hypothetical Tumblr digg system “Blrr”. “Blrr this”. What do you say, science? unnamedplayer:tumblr needs a digg sort of mechanism. my dashboard is becoming too difficult to manage … i think i’d like it so that you could digg / bump posts by people, and then i only had to view posts that were +5 by some friends and +1 by others … and then...
Mike Sweeney is the new Frank Thomas →
The A’s have signed another formerly-great veteran DH who may or may not be crippled. It worked with Frank Thomas, it failed with Mike Piazza, and it cost much money either way. In the best-case scenario, Sweeney plays first and DH against left-handed pitchers, hits .300, and leads the A’s to a third-place finish. The A’s trade him for a prospect in July, or pick up a...
Fake victories, fake questions, and racial... →
Dirty tricks and misinformation abound in the Democratic campaign. Hillary had a fake victory rally for a fake victory in the Florida primary (which had no delegates and ostensibly no campaigning), then a fake town hall meeting on the Hallmark network with fake questions. And for some reason, people think Obama is more genuine than Hillary… Also, racial profiling! From the article: Last...
Insane Celebrities...Randy Quaid Edition.
paulscheer: So apparently Randy Quaid was Banned From Actors Equity and charged 80K for his behavior during the rehearsal of a new musical, here are the charges… * Quaid hit an actor on the back of the head four times during performances. When the stage manager told him to stop, he smacked the actor again. * Another actor was warned that if he made direct eye contact with Quaid onstage, he’d...
“Should we order playoff tickets now?”
– My father, on the Giants coming to terms with relief pitcher Vinnie Chulk.
The Ant Mystery Is Solved!
Geets: i found the kitchen culprit!
Geets: corn syrup!!!
Geets: they were all over the corn syrup
Sean: man, that is such an american thing to have attracting ants
An Ad With Talking Pandas, Maybe, But Not With... →
I’m not surprised that Salesgenie.com had to pull the ad with the pandas running a bamboo furniture store. They stopped just short of calling the website “Saresgenie.com”. However, the ad with the Indian man (with seven kids) was deemed OK, or South Asians are less vocal in their protests. What I found most interesting in this article was that Anheuser-Busch avoided criticism...
For all the foreigners who think they're better... →
(via indian) My friend once refused to believe that Chester A. Arthur was a real president. Speaking of Chester A. Arthur, his presidency is generally considered inauspicious, as he took over after Garfield’s assassination. Before Garfield got shot, he really hated Arthur, and wouldn’t allow him inside his house. However, he is now generally considered a fine president. James...
I assume you can get a refund. →
“23-17.”
– Plaxico Burress
I'm going to have to go with the '86 Celtics here →
Super Bowl Update
Observations from the first half: - FOX has thankfully refrained from showing Peyton Manning in the luxury box too many times, after starting off with a lot of PeytonCam. Peyton is definitely taking the right approach to watching his brother play in the Super Bowl: Show up, support him, sit in the back of a luxury box. The wrong approach was demonstrated by Tiki Barber, back in January of 2003, ...
A.C. Green on Wikipedia →
I just updated A.C. Green’s wikipedia page. Did you know that he suffered from chronic, unending hiccups for his entire NBA career? Maybe that’s how he stayed a virgin the whole time.
More on Gasol: Aaron McKie Rules
Sorry to keep harping on this trade, but I overlooked one of the most interesting parts of the deal. Because Pau Gasol makes nearly $14 million per year, and because Los Angeles is over the salary cap, the Lakers had to send back roughly $11 million in salary to Memphis to comply with NBA trade rules. Javaris Crittendon and Kwame Brown, the two signed players changing teams, make a little over...
A Day in the Life of ALF →
An amusing and sad offering from new blog Excess & Defect. Here’s an excerpt:I will never be a Tanner. Even the cat’s got a better chance at surnames around here. But, no matter what Willie says, I won’t ever be a part of that particular tribe. Somebody sings, “I’ve got my books and my poetry to protect me.” Ive just got this orange fur probably made of...
The Keane-Garcia Gasol Trade Summit
Keane: My favorite part is that the grizzlies insisted on keeping one gasol brother
Keane: So, say you're the memphis GM
Keane: And in one 24 hour stretch, you acquired Aaron McKie, Kwame Brown, and Jason Collins, while giving up your best player
Keane: Is that more similar to getting butt raped and having your car stolen
Keane: Or being mouth-raped and having your house burned down?
Garcia: Excuse me sir, you're talking about Jerry West
Garcia: And i think it's more like being mouth raped and having your house burn to bits
Keane: No, the new memphis GM is chris wallace
Keane: And i don't mean the notorious B.I.G.
Keane: This guy is the notorious B.A.D. GM
Keane: He traded joe johnson for tony delk, traded for vin baker after he already announced he was an alcoholic, etc.
Garcia: Hahha
Garcia: Oh man, i feel like a just got a blow job from baby jesus
Holy shit! The Lakers got rid of Kwame and signed... →
That’s Chris Garcia’s headline. I would add my own, but there’s no word for the sound of my forehead repeatedly banging against my desk. The Lakers didn’t have to give up Jordan Farmar or Trevor Ariza, they got rid of Kwame Brown, and dealt two draft picks which are effectively the #30 selection, since the Lakers are going to win the NBA title. On the plus side, Memphis...