April 2008
44 posts
"He probably won't get to use the car for a... →
More on "Little Lady"
- Because Ted Danson is unavailable (his character is unreliable), Tom Selleck rehearses a scene with Sylvia (Nancy Travis), which of course contains a kiss. They do the scene a second time, and kiss longer. As they pull away, embarrassed, I notice that Tom Selleck’s pullover sweater says “Wild Child” across the front. - During a fight, Sylvia calls Selleck selfish. He...
Movie Trivia That Reflects My Poor Taste in Free...
In the original “Three Men and a Baby”, there’s a scene where a cardboard cutout of Ted Danson is visible in the background, in front of a window. Rumors spread that this was the ghost of a boy who had committed suicide in the apartment used for the shoot, never mind that the movie’s interior scenes were shot on a soundstage. Some people accused the studio of spreading...
Chris Webber on TNT
Chris Webber has been on “Inside the NBA” this week, and at first, I thought he was pretty good. Webber is smart, and he can be funny, although he didn’t get a chance to rap. However, as Kelly Dwyer pointed out, it’s strange to hear Chris Webber criticizing someone else’s playoff failures: Webber couldn’t run faster from the ball in the waning seconds of a big...
Workplace Comedy, When 95% of Your Clients Are...
Receptionist: He was charged with falafel intercourse?!? Case assigner: No. Unlawful intercourse. Receptionist: Oh! Anyway, he got six years. Me: And a side of baba ganoush.
Adam Jones Doesn't Smile For Photos →
This is one of the worst official baseball player photos I’ve ever seen. Adam Jones is a normal-looking guy, so this makes me think someone at Yahoo! sports has a vendetta against him for some reason. Of course, I thought ESPN was exhibiting some anti-Yankee bias for using a photo of Hank Steinbrenner that made him look like he had Down Swyndrome, but it turns out, that’s just what...
Not Just His Number →
The Baltimore Ravens drafted Tavares Gooden in the third round of the NFL Draft. This is significant because Gooden was part of the “Seventh Floor Crew”, a group of Miami students and football players who recorded a nine-minute rap song about the sexual shenanigans that took place on floor 7 of their dorm. As far as I know, Mr. Gooden is the second member of the Crew to reach the...
I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. But... →
JTT
Katie: I was using JTT as an abbreviation
Katie: As in
Katie: JUST THE TIP
Katie: Re: quasi virginity
Sean: AH
Katie: Come on man
Katie: Get with the lingo!
Sean: I have never heard that abbreviation
Sean: But i have lived it
Katie: I hope on the giving and not receiving end
Sean:
Sean: They need a JTT section for casual encounters
Sean: w4m4jtt
Broccoli Jokes for 2008, by Mike Spiegelman →
Excerpt: A giant piece of broccoli and three carrots are trapped inside a double boiler. “Oh, no,” says the broccoli, “The stove is lit!” A tough carrot says, “Don’t worry. Us carrots will escape from this here double boiler and then come back and save you broccoli later.” So the broccoli agrees and the carrots huddle up and launch themselves out of the...
SportsNation: A Map of Hating →
I generally ignore the ESPN SportsNation polls. However, I voted in a SportsNation poll tonight, on the topic of “What would you most like to see?” (in the NBA Playoffs). I voted for “Shaq vs. Kobe in Western Conference Finals”, and the other choices were “Lakers-Celtics in classic NBA Finals”, “Lakers-Celtics both lose in first round”, and...
Watchchrisgarcia: A definite Oscar favorite. Unsatisfied with simply dominating the world of standup comedy, SF favorite Louis Katz also makes films, meaning he’ll soon be dominating the world of Superdeluxe as well. The above video will pull at your heartstrings, and your ballstrings. Mr. Katz will be at The Punchline all week with Roz G and Moshe Kasher, and on Monday, with Kasper Hauser,...
You're-a-peein'
Inspired by this Omar-Vamsi exchange:
Omar: European(U)s
Vamsi: european was the punchline to my favorite joke when i was 5
Vamsi: like "if you're from america you're american, if you're from russia you're russian...what are you if you're in the bathroom?"
Vamsi: "european!!!!!!!!!!!"
me: and then i would fall over laughing convulsively
Vamsi: hahahahahaha
Vamsi: .........
Omar: i just told it to the office
Omar: hahahahahahha
Omar: peanuts.
:
:
Sean: When I was on the swim team in high school, I would wear two "drag suits" in practice; old, loose suits worn over my regular Speedo to create extra resistance and make me work harder. I had two primary drag suits. One used to be red, but after years of exposure to chlorine and sun, it had faded to a lavender rose color, and was known informally as "Big Pink".
The second suit was older, and much more worn out. By the end of its life, the entire front of the suit was in tatters, which led to the second-funniest moment of my high school swimming career. I was about to get in the water at 6 AM, when Coach Mike commented on the unusual look of my suit. "Say Sean, is that a European suit?" he asked.
Then my friend Dustin chimed in, "Because you're a-peein' a lot in the pool!" Hilarity ensued.
The funniest moment of my high school swimming career came when Coach Mike, giving me advice on freestyle, told me I needed to "get longer out in front". I told him I'd try, but the pool was kind of cold. And more hilarity ensued.
Dick Cavett, on General Petraeus and Language →
Dick Cavett is not only still alive; he’s blogging for the New York Times. My dad, who sent me this link, was most perturbed by the phrase “ethnosectarian conflict”, but I liked the analysis of Petraeus’s sesquipedalianism, the tendency to use overlong words, like “sesquipedalianism”. Sesquipedalianism is an autological word, meaning it describes itself, just...
Watchnowseehear: We’re ready to entertain you! Come see John Williams Is A Dick, April 25 and 26 at the Dark Room! This is eerily close to how I pictured SPF7 headquarters.
Names That Match Form A Bond On The Internet (New... →
My quest to size up my Google rank competition, Sean Keanes Around The World, brought me into contact with many different Sean Keanes, My old Cafe Press shop, The Shirt Off Sean Keane’s Back, eventually moved to a larger Cafe Press shop run by Photoblog Sean Keane of New York. Truly, we are moving ever closer to A World Where All Men Are Named Sean Keane. This article implies that I...
there are places ill remember, all my life
g33ts: i give up my laptop so this will be the last procrastinating from work tumble…from here until school in august its all the ramblings of an unemployed bum. ive thought about leaving since the day i started. this place was for me alwyas temporary and im excited to leave - even if its 2 years later than what i thought when i started. its funny, this whole week ive had the free at last...
Street Fight: Kevins Vs. Joes
sexappeal-comedy: I am taking up the mantle that my parents gave me at birth to make a bunch of guys named Kevin look like jackasses. How? I’m going to stand on one end of the stage and just shoot fireballs for ten minutes. Do you remembers the kids that would do that? When I was a lad, we had a strict Ryu/Ken ban to prevent fireball abuse. No one had a problem with Guile’s sonic boom, though....
“I know it sounds racist, but if they want the Olympics in China they should go...”
– Torch protester Kevin Johnson, via SFGate. Yup, that sounds racist.
Something People Like - via SFstandup.com →
nowseehear: The historic Purple Onion is back on track as a haven for young, fresh comedy with SFstandup.com’s new weekly show, Something People Like. Hosts Chad Lehrman (Last Comic Standing) and Justin Lamb (SPF7) bring a mix of comedy, short films, and music to San Francisco’s favorite comedy venue every Wednesday at 8:00 pm. This is really going to be fantastic. Even North Beach haters will...
Not Hating, Just Saying →
You might think these guys are haters, but you’d be wrong. Actually, they’re just saying.Now of course, just because you say something doesn’t mean you’re not hating. We know this. That’s why we make sure to specify that we’re “just saying.” This eliminates all wiggle room. More of this non-hate from their entry on Diet Dr. Pepper:On its website, Diet Dr. Pepper claims that it...
May We Also Suggest...
goldenfiddle: No thanks. The lovely NEW Embroided Denim Jumpsuit will be plenty. In addition, there’s The Christie Fit straight leg pant in stretch linen (filed under “Laid-back linen”) and the “office-ready” Silk charmeuse bodysuit. Pure class. If that mesh thong doesn’t say, “business casual”, I don’t know what does.
Absolutely, Positively the Worst Team in the... →
We’ve reached the nadir of the Isiah Thomas era with the Knicks, so New York Magazine takes a look back at what led to what might be the worst team ever: Never has so much been spent for so little in the world of sports. They’ve been called the worst team in the history of pro basketball, but they’re really much worse than that. These Knicks are worse than the fire-sale ’41 Phillies or the...
A Haunting Follow-Up
Geetika: NO MORE GHOST TALK
Geetika: I wasn't kidding about
Geetika: Actually getting scared
Geetika: I am going to get lunch now
Geetika: OMA R IS DOING IT TOO
Geetika: I hate you people
Sean: So, you're saying BOO to ghost talk?
Sean: That's the spirit!
Is My House Haunted?
Geetika: Are you home?
Sean: No ma'am.
Geetika: Oh okay
Geetika: A door creaked
Geetika: And had turned up the music a bit
Sean: Oh, that's just a ghost
Sean: I first noticed her about a week ago
Sean: I think she's harmless
Geetika: Enough
Geetika: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Geetika: STOP STOP STOp
Sean: She only lives in the rec room
Geetika: You know I don't even like scary movie previews
Geetika: STOP IT!
Sean: you can tell she's been here, because she leaves out food and dirty pots
Searching For Canseco: Chasing Jose, By Pat Jordan →
This article is fantastic: The book was a best-seller despite the fact that many people questioned the veracity of Jose’s claim about rampant steroid use in baseball for a number of reasons, not the least of which was Jose’s unsavory reputation as a wife-beater (Miss Fitness America), a baseball slacker (his teammates accused him of not hustling), a gun-toting, sports car-speeding,...
“So I’m foreplaying this girl…”
– An open mic comic, overheard on Tuesday
Oil spill pilot says Coast Guard shares blame →
This is a change from the pilot’s original excuse: that the Bay Bridge had been drinking, and started taunting the container ship just before the crash.
WatchA new rhyming baseball chant that you and yours can feel free to use next time you’re at the ballpark.
