June 2008
35 posts
How Sean Got His Groove Back
Sean Keane: This place is so ridiculous
Chris Garcia: How so?
Chris Garcia: Hella tits? Come on, you can say it.
Sean Keane: Every night, 25 white women descend on every bar to reenact "How Stella Got Her Groove Back".
Sean Keane: Except Taye Diggs is a 45 year old snorkeling guide with a glass eye.
A Guide To The Drinks of Caye Caulker
Caye Caulker has a lot of specialty cocktails unique to the island. Here’s a guide to knowing what’s what.
Beer: Belikin lager, and Belikin stout. That’s all your choices. They didn’t seem interested in my idea for Belikin Dry.
Rum Punch: Rum and some non-Ocean Spray fruit juice, as their advertising belies their limited distribution.
Cuba Libre: Rum and Coke.
Cuba...
I'm in Belize, suckas
Highlight of my snorkeling tip:
(As we pass a boat called SEAduction)
Snorkeling guide “Rasta Man”, AKA my hero: Sex-you-all seduction.
An Excerpt From My Travel Itinerary
A portion of my travel itinerary for my upcoming trip to Guatemala and Belize, courtesy of my sister Molly:
“tues relaxing, tanning, reading, beer drinking, snorkeling, napping nighttime: festivities~ wed more of the same thurs head out in the morning to placencia, then more of the above”
I can’t wait.
happy birthday sean!
Vamsi wrote an excellent post for my birthday (thanks Vamsi!), which I am now reblogging, with added commentary on which historical events best relate to my life. Think of this as the DVD extra version of Vamsi’s post (and if someone else reblogs mine, that automatically becomes the Criterion edition.)
indian:
Since you wrote about my birthday (Flag Day), I will return the favor. Some...
“For now, enjoy the accomplishment of avoiding Death for yet another year.”
– K.A. Nizami, on the subject of my birthday.
How Whole Foods Is Like Cal's Dining Commons
When I was in college, there was an evolutionary cycle with the food in the dining commons (some people said “dining hall”; I thought “dining commons” sounded more classist and haughty). They’d serve roasted chicken on Monday, then chicken tacos Tuesday, chicken salad on Wednesday, and finally chicken noodle soup on Thursday. Clearly, the unused chicken was getting...
New web page for Something People Like →
SF’s hottest new standup comedy showcase, Something People Like, has a new web site that has been jazzed up, J-Lamb-style. Tonight’s show features headliner Ali Wong, while I will be returning to the Purple Onion for Something People Like on July 9th.
To surcharge, without love - An op-ed piece by... →
Local comedian, labor organizer, and fancy-ass foodie Nato Green makes his debut in this week’s Bay Guardian, with a comedic op-ed piece about labor and fancy-ass food. Judge Foodie is on the bench!
Present spite notwithstanding, I spend all my discretionary income on dining. My economic stimulus check stimulated some duck confit and tarte tatin. I’d trade a kidney for dinner at Coi....
WatchMind of Garcia - standup and sketch comedy, June 27th, 10 PM, at the Dark Room in SF.
Why Doesn't He Just Use His Cell Phone? →
By Dan Gurewitch
Excerpt: Lately, I’ve noticed that writers of action and suspense films and TV shows are encountering an amusing new storytelling problem: How to explain why their protagonist doesn’t just use his cell phone to get him out of a predicament.
For the entire history of film, characters have found themselves alone in desperate circumstances, with no possible solution except using...
How David Stern is like George Bush
Sean Keane: David Stern is kind of like George Bush
Sean Keane: The media clamors that the Iraqi war was based on a lie; Bush gives out medals
Sean Keane: The FBI investigates Dick Bavetta for fixing games; Stern has him fix another one
Omar: Kevin Garnett does look a bit arab...
Omar: With that goattee at least.
Omar: And Sam Cassell is likely the product of a scud related accident...
Sean Keane: If you're not with the seven-game series, you're with the terrorists
Omar: That is fantastic.
Sean Keane: Paul Pierce, or actual WMD evidence
Sean Keane: For Stern and Bush, the real enemy is
Sean Keane: The Truth
Omar: Yes. Yes it/he is.
Omar: Don't forget the upstart African-American leader who people were doubting would have a chance at this job a year ago.
Sean Keane: Wow, this is eerie
Sean Keane: Phil Jackson is like Halliburton
Sean Keane: Maybe not personally involved in the conspiracy, but benefits to the tune of millions
Sean Keane: : I'm just waiting for Stu Jackson to "accidentally" shoot Isiah Thomas in the face.
Flag Day comes but once a year →
Happy Flag Day, everyone!
Last year was a productive year for Sean Keane and holiday-related comedy. I wrote 75% of this Flag Day piece in fifteen minutes at the Brain Wash, and it’s been usable for the last year, once I trimmed some of the accidental plagiarism.
The lessons:
1. I write my best stuff on the spot, in the moment, with forced premises.
2. My Bastille Day set is going to be...
My Observations of BONNARO 2008 - Day 1 (Friday)
paulscheer:
Instead of playing their hits Metallica plays the full cast recording of Les Miserables.
Shelly Long Sits in with Rilo Kiley, they cover the theme song from “Troop Beverly Hills.”
My Morning Jacket plays a 15 hour show.
I realize that a McGriddle is more complex in design than the pyramids.
When Rilo Kiley played at my school in 2001, my friend and I wore crude Shelly Long...
WatchOne of my favorite College Humor videos yet. Perfectly timed/edited, too.
Comedy Central Loves SF Standup →
Jimmy Pardo is listed first in the Comedy Central Insider headline, because he is first in our nation’s hearts. Check out Mr. Pardo tonight through Sunday at Rooster T. Feathers, in exotic Sunnyvale, along with John Hoogasian and Kevin Camia.
Watchjakeandamir:
Crazy
You’ll laugh so hard, you’ll pee blue.
Aladdin > The Lion King
indian:
interstate:
Lion King is “Hamlet, with lions”? No wonder it was so much better than Aladdin.
I agree with your premise but disagree with your conclusion.
Word. I will take the voice work of Steve from “Full House” over that of Matthew Broderick any day.
Jimmy Pardo Interview on SF Standup →
My interview with the great Jimmy Pardo is up on SF Standup. We discuss his podcast, whether he could take Matt Kirshen in a wrestling match, and how Jimmy Fallon is like Isiah Thomas. Here’s an excerpt
SF Standup: You’re known for your riffing, obviously, and people say that no Jimmy Pardo show is alike. How did you pick up the confidence to rely on in-the-moment- stuff, rather than being...
Chris Garcia and Sean Keane Talk NBA Refereeing
Chris Garcia: You know, I have to agree with Phil Jackson, the officiating has been pretty bad Chris Garcia: Some really questionable shit, esp for the finals Sean Keane: I missed the first half Chris Garcia: Bull doodoo
Sean Keane: This is a good time for David Stern to activate the Bavetta Signal
Chris Garcia: Chris Garcia: It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s the Amish ghost...
I'm Never Alone, I'm Alone All The Time
I don’t get a lot of non-spam comments on my primary, long-form weblog, Zembla, but I do get a lot of random messages via Meebo. People write to defend Ozzie Smith’s defense, profess their love of Three Musketeers, mourn a dead friend, and get help with fifth-grade essays on Christopher Columbus. Recently, I got my favorite random Meebo message yet, which was probably in response to...
Marijuana Hotbed Retreats on Medicinal Use →
An article about medicinal marijuana in California, with an excellent video from esteemed videojournalist Jigar Mehta. The NY Times doesn’t let you embed videos, so here’s the direct link. Come on, Gray Lady! Get it together!
Something People LIKED at the Purple Onion
It was a great show at Something People Like last night. Local favorites Nato Green and Jason Wheeler were in fine form, but the real treat was surprise guest Emily Maya Mills. Ms. Mills is from the Upright Citizens Brigade theater in LA, and her set was nothing but delightful. (She was originally scheduled for the similarly delightful Comedy, Darling showcase, which will hopefully return to...
Election Reflections, on Zembla →
Excerpt:
Even though she has been mathematically eliminated from the race for the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton is not giving up and dropping out of the race. In a related story, I am not yet given up on my pursuit of becoming a professional baseball player. Sure, I can’t hit a curve ball, or throw the ball from third base to first on the fly, or make an out with crying and...
SF Expatriate Jacob Sirof on "Last Comic Standing" →
“Last Comic Standing” is a weird show. It’s the most prominent showcase for standup comedy on network TV, but it makes standup look amazingly unfunny. Part of the problem is that auditions are held in an empty comedy club, with only the judges present, so even the best jokes are met with silence. They could do these shows with a real audience, but that might distract from their...