December 2009
35 posts
“The cop told me, you can’t arrest them until you see the “brown...”
– Gallagher, explaining why kids who sag their jeans aren’t arrested for indecent exposure. Guys, Gallagher is a big racist.
“I’m more or less at fault here. I was the first one to allow a projectile to...”
– Gallagher, talking to the AV Club. I’ve interviewed Gallagher, and he is a crazy, delusional man. Here he claims responsibility for Juggalos, moshing, the Ron Artest brawl, and continues his campaign against sagging jeans.
Monday Night Football!
sportscentr:
I don’t care about either team, but I am really looking forward to this week’s Monday Night Football game. First, it features the Bears in prime time for the fifth time this year. They’re 0-4, and Jay Cutler has thrown 12 interceptions in the four games. He’s going to scowl, he’s going to pout, he’s going to fling the ball blindly across his body, and he’s going to get picked...
"Elevator to Space: Special Holiday Episode" →
Watch for the part where Alex brings a decrepit tree into the elevator, and Chris nearly shoots his eye out with a BB gun.
There Was a Time
wreckandsalvage:
human-dog:
When the Big Screen Musical was not met with such shock and disbelief.
AMC is playing White Christmas for 24 hours starting some hours ago. It’s great.
Our family watches “White Christmas” every year. I need to dig up the short film I made many Christmases ago where the movie is re-enacted by Cabbage Patch Kid dolls, who play up the homo-erotic bond...
Code Red and Green
I like to think that when North Pole elves are screwing up and dragging down the rest of their toymaking unit, the other elves hold them down and beat them with stockings full of coal.
WatchI spent eight hours in a homemade spacesuit this week, shooting a new season of Elevator to Space. The episodes are getting funnier and also a lot more surreal, and there’s a lot most costumes. The level of slapstick violence has thankfully remained consistent throughout. Here’s one of my favorite episodes, from way back in Season 2.
SF Sketchfest Schedule Announced →
SF Sketchfest has officially announced their lineup for 2010. You can see me perform:
Thursday, January 21: The Business is at the Dark Room at 8 PM (along with Animosity Pierre, apparently). At the same time, my doppelganger, Timmy Williams, will be performing across town with Whitest Kids U Know at Cobb’s.
Friday, January 22: The Business is at the Dark Room again,this time at 10:30...
NFLOL: Week 13 of NFL Football →
New footbaugh column up:
New Orleans 33, Washington 30
A snowstorm earlier in the week turned the field into a muddy mess, slowing down the Saints offense and leading to some hilarious pratfalls. Future Saints opponents would be wise to leave the tarp off the field with a game coming up, like the Giants watering down the basepaths to slow Maury Wills in the ’60s, or hiding the meth when you’re...
Treatise on Eating a Dick*
natashavc:
The first time I heard this phrase was in a recap of a bad break up between two friends. After a 6 hour phone fight that ended a 4 year relash the conversation ended like this:
Vanessa: I love you so much and I really hope we can be friends. And stay in each other’s lives. You mean so much to me and I would hate to lose you.
Mike: Uh-huh. Yeah. Thanks, Vanessa. Eat a dick.
CLICK!
...
The Life of Michael Tucker
sportscentr:
diamondleung:
“Michael Tucker, who hasn’t played in majors since 2006, is here in Indy. I’m told he still wants to play.”
—Twitter / Jerry Crasnick: Blast from the past: Micha …
(SCENE: Michael Tucker’s ex-girlfriend’s house. There’s a knock on the door. Michael Tucker’s ex-girlfriend opens the door to reveal… Michael Tucker, holding a bouquet of weeds, wrapped in an old...
“A Nov. 26 article in the District edition of Local Living incorrectly said a...”
– Correction in the Washington Post. (via) (via willdo)
“i left the club early cause i didnt want to cheat on my boyfriend. and i felt...”
– j wow on how to properly avoid both infidelity and a hangover on the jersey shore (via sparkleneelysparkle) (via vela)
I dated a girl from New Jersey once, and she was a ham-eater.
US Decides to Retry Afghanistan Level →
(I wrote this back in January of 2002; sadly, it’s still kind of timely.)
US Decides to Retry Afghanistan Level
After an unsatisfying end to its military campaign, the Joint Chiefs of Staff have decided to replay the Afghanistan level.
“I thought the liberation of Kunduz would be a lot harder,” said Lieutenant John Toney. “But the ending was disappointing. There...
The Office is The Most Depressing Show on...
jaystarr:
goldenfiddle:
By Meghan Keane
This is exactly why Gervais ended his show after he told the story he wanted to tell.
This article says a lot of things I have been thinking for a while, AND it’s written by a woman who has almost the exact same name as my sister. Bravo.
Watchgabrieldelahaye:
Say what you will about Steven Seagal, but the man definitely knows most if not all of the police words.
“I don’t know about your score, but if this was in the streets, and that’s the way you shot, he’d be dead.”
McRib Locator →
So you will always know when and where the McRib is available near you - though only for a limited time.
Negative Thinking
Every time that the bathroom at my office smells like it’s been freshly-cleaned, only it’s the middle of the day, my first thought is always, “I bet someone took a dump on the floor.”
