March 2011
20 posts
4 tags
Meet Baseball's Human Garbage Can →
This WSJ piece - the baseball article of the year so far - describes the Arizona bullpen catcher who will eat anything for the right price, and let you punch him in the nuts for $50 a pop.
(“Tooz will eat anything except poop, urine and vomit,” Diamondbacks reliever Sam Demel said. “No, wait—I’m sorry. He will eat vomit.”)
Blessed with the ability (curse?) to never...
2 tags
4 tags
WatchDonny Divanian doesn’t just take great pictures, he also makes great videos. And he is always, always a gentleman.
(“Be A Gentleman” on Vimeo.)
5 tags
This is why we can't have nice investment advice
My brother-in-law: You should do what you want, but I'm a conservative investor. I mostly have my money in ETFs. That's exchange-traded funds.
My sister's boyfriend: Do you have any DTFs?
My brother-in-law: What's that?
Me: Girls that are Down. To. Fuck.
My sister's boyfriend: Don't you watch "Jersey Shore"?
Me: I wish I had MORE funds tied up in DTFs.
(Sister's boyfriend and I high-five. Brother-in-law shakes his head and leaves the room.)
4 tags
4 tags
4 tags
Obama’s bracket loses final 16 team in Louisville →
No president who was actually born in this country would screw up his bracket so badly.
3 tags
Nate Dogg, Mathematician
Nate Dogg was a great rapper, but many people don’t realize the sound mathematical principles on display in his lyrics. For example, in “Regulate,” Nate argues that “The rhythm is the bass and the bass is the treble.” We will call this Nate’s Theorem, which can be represented as such:
Rhythm = Bass = Treble
By the Transitive Property of Equality, it follows...
3 tags
What Is San Francisco Freaking Out About? →
My new blog, a simple, one-stop source to find out everything San Franciscans are losing their shit over.
2 tags
4 tags
"The company also noted that Gottfried is not the... →
4 tags
Vacation Log #1
Our rented house in the dunes has a blanket with the Serenity Prayer printed on it, which makes me feel slightly guilty about the giant bottle of Jameson’s I brought.
They also have a framed copy of Footprints In The Sand, which is ironic, because we are not allowed to walk on the dunes. Remember when there was just one set of footprints? That was when Jesus was trampling on the nests of...
4 tags
The Prophetic Dialogue of "Major League"
Jake Taylor: You're a celebrity now, Vaughn.
Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn: I thought you had to do something good to be a celebrity.
Jake Taylor: Not if you do it colorfully.
2 tags
Joey and Sean Discuss Harrison Ford's Oscar...
Sean: I wonder if Klosterman is right about how you can tell Harrison Ford visibly hates what he's doing in "Return of the Jedi"
Joey: I was thinking about it and I think you can
Joey: Think about how he gets progressively more and more smug as the series goes on
Joey: None of that is in the writing
Joey: It gets to the point where he is almost condescending the lines as he's saying them
Sean: Maybe the expression han has when he gets frozen in carbonite is Harrison Ford's real face when he realized he was never going to win an oscar
Sean: I wonder what the impressive role reversal would be for Ford
Sean: Like, the serious role that comments on his career
Sean: I don't think the cop movie with Josh Hartnett quite pulled that off
Joey: I think he could get one for playing like a gay interior designer in like a Devil wears Prada style comedy
Sean: Breakfast at Tiffany's remake, he does a really serious, respectful version of Mickey Rooney's part
Sean: At some point when the landlord is talking to Holly Golightly
Sean: He uses a metaphor of a bonsai tree's care to tell her she needs to use protection, and they have a tender moment
Sean: And they walk out the door together
Sean: And the doorman is MICKEY ROONEY
Sean: And he winks
Sean: And then you see, he's still wearing the teeth
Joey: He'll get a career Oscar soon
Joey: As long as no one takes it from him everybody goes home happy
Sean: "You'll get your Oscar when we get the passwords, Harrison"
Joey: "I WANT MY LIFE TIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD BACK!"
Sean: "How dare YOU, sir"
Sean: "...Ian McKellan"
Sheen passes 1M Followers
Just barely 24 hours after joining Twitter, @CharlieSheen passed one million followers. By my calculations, he just passed Usher to move into the Top 300 of popular Twitters, and should be leaving Ann Curry and Wiz Khalifa in the dust within hours. In a very busy day, he’s also caused #tigerblood to trend. Meanwhile, Fake Emilio Estevez is stuck at 942 followers, and the real Emilio Estevez...
4 tags
