About This Site

Sean Keane is a stand-up comic living in San Francisco. This is a place for Sean Keanes and Sean Keane Enthusiasts.

I also write SportsCentr and contribute to NBA Off-Season, NFL Off-Season, and The World's Game.

Email: mrseankeane (at) gmail (dot) com

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  1. Wednesday, February 19th 2014
  2. Goldies 2014 Comedy: Sean Keane | SF Bay Guardian

    San Francisco’s alternative paper of record was nice enough to give me a “Goldie” - the Guardian Outstanding Local Discovery Award - which is almost as nice as when Laughspin said they had “never heard of me” last month.

    Honestly it is a very nice profile by George McIntire, and I hope I don’t come off looking like too much of an asshole, either in my quotes or my photo. (There were some test shots where I was shirtless under my suit jacket, standing in a tunnel… I don’t want to talk about it.) It’s also a paper that I would read voraciously when I was younger - I don’t think I ever felt cooler than flipping through the Bay Guardian at Blondie’s Pizza after buying used CDs at Rasputin’s. Cheap Eats! Tom Tomorrow! Frightening but intriguing ads for escort services!

    Anyway, this is really a testament to all the talented and hilarious people I get to work with all the time (Chris, Alex, Bucky, Caitlin, Anna, Joey, Kevin, Nato, Emily, etc.), all the comics who have helped me out over the years (Moshe, Louis, Ali, Sheng, etc.), and everyone who comes to shows, particularly The Business. And as Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner would both attest, it is an honor just to be featured in The Guardian.

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  4. Monday, February 17th 2014
  5. The true highlight of the NBA All-Star Game was Aloe Blacc’s remarkably bad performance of “The Man,” or as my mom would say “That Colin Kaepernick song.” There’s something magical about someone who is doing so terribly repeating, “I’m the man” over and over. Maybe it sounds better through Beats By Dre headphones?

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  7. Friday, February 14th 2014
  8. 2:14pm|reblogged from SportsCentr:

    Some Sean Keane standup from last week, about the NFC Championship Game, Richard Sherman, and World War II. From The Business SF.

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  10. Sunday, February 2nd 2014
  11. Caitlin and I love sports!

    Caitlin and I love sports!

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  13. Caitlin Gill knows nothing about sports. I know everything about sports. Neither of us know anything about lighting. Learn the rules of the game and get ready for the Super Bowl with “sports! with sean and caitlin.”

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  15. Friday, January 31st 2014
  16. AN NFL Rules Guide for the Casual Fan

    Sunday is the Super Bowl, the biggest football game of the year. (As my soccer enthusiast father would like me to point out, it’s the biggest AMERICAN football game of the year. “It’s confusing, i’n’t it?” he’d say, tossing his scarf over one shoulder. He’s not actually British.) Many people will be attending Super Bowl parties and watching football for the first time in a year, admiring the various dips and shushing partygoers during commercials.

    For them, I present my annual primer about the rules of American football. This will help you understand what happens when the whistle blows and a referee tosses a yellow handkerchief on the field. Football is so delicate! (As a side note, nothing is simultaneously more macho and effeminate as a sports bar full of bros flopping their wrists to demand a penalty flag.) Read, learn, laugh, love. To paraphrase Seattle’s own Macklemore, “It’s and weird and it sucks,” and if you don’t like it, blame Grammy voters.

    Yards: OK, first of all, football is still measured in yards, because the metric system is for the Canadian Football League. And communist queers. The field is a hundred yards, and each team must advance the ball ten yards (that’s 9.14 meters, comrade!) within four plays, or they forfeit the ball. If they advance the ten yards successfully, they get a new set of four downs, which is indicated by the phrase “first down.” And, yes, after the very first time that happens, it’s not really “first” anymore. WE GET IT. Usually teams will punt or kick a field goal on fourth down.

    Points: A touchdown is worth six points. After a touchdown, a team can kick a twenty-yard (18.29 meters, Vladimir!) field goal, and get a bonus point, or they can try to get the ball into the end zone from the same distance, for two points. This second strategy is generally reserved for teams who are confident and/or desperate, and is called a “two-point conversion.” That is also what it’s called if you can get a relatively small deer to join your evangelical church. Tim Tebow is excellent at both types.

    Read More

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  18. Tuesday, January 28th 2014
  19. "I’ve got plenty of Papa John’s to eat at home!"

    "I’ve got plenty of Papa John’s to eat at home!"

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  21. Tuesday, November 5th 2013
  22. 2:45pm|reblogged from Red Scott:
    redscott:


Sean #1 on stage at The Business in The Dark Room, Ocotber 30th.


This photo perfectly captures how I feel, 75% of the time, on stage or off.

    redscott:

    Sean #1 on stage at The Business in The Dark Room, Ocotber 30th.

    This photo perfectly captures how I feel, 75% of the time, on stage or off.

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  24. Friday, November 1st 2013
  25. 12:38pm|reblogged from Red Scott:
    redscott:


Sean Keane at The Dark Room, October 30th.


The little-known 13th step of AA involves writing your set list.

    redscott:

    Sean Keane at The Dark Room, October 30th.

    The little-known 13th step of AA involves writing your set list.

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  27. Tuesday, October 29th 2013
  28. 5:25pm|reblogged from Amy Miller:
    I’ll Be Your Shitty Shitty Mirror: 20 Ways to Be The Worst Person When a Celebrity Dies.

    I collaborated with Amy Miller on an important look at Twitter reactions to celebrity death. Summary: everyone is a hack, the search box is your friend, and Amy will be a mess in the unlikely event of Dolly Parton’s death.

    Amy is very funny, so go see her in person this weekend at the Sacramento Punch Line, or any other weekend in Portland.

    amymillercomedy:

    Lou Reed’s dead and that’s very sad and I heard about it on the internet. Lately when celebrities die, I sometimes also get the initial news when my friend Sean Keane sends me a text saying:

    "Don’t go on the internet. The world’s worst open mic just started again."

    The combination over the past three years of being more active on Twitter and being connected to hundreds (feels like millions) of other comedians has caused me to avoid going near the internet for 24 hours soon after the death of a celebrity I respect.

    As a dedicated/ obsessed Dolly Parton fan, I have had actual sweaty anxiety nightmares about how many comedians I’m going to have to murder in cold blood if she dies. IF SHE DIES. IF. Take an otherwise wonderful human being who has done nothing but put magic and music into the world and add some breasts and a bunch of bored comics, and we’re looking at a shitstorm of disrespectful and, more importantly, tragically unoriginal jokes about the death of an actual person. An actual person being mourned by millions of dedicated fans, namely me.

    I’m not making a “Don’t joke about tragedy” argument. I’m making a “Why joke about tragedy while also being hacky” argument.

    The mean half-life of a Tweet is 2.8 hours. Emphasis on mean, in this case. Let’s say you somehow manage to have an original thought about a celebrity death (By the way, Twitter Search makes originality very easy to confirm if you’re unsure.) - 50 percent of people who will EVER read that Tweet will do so within 2.8 hours. That’s your window of shitty death Tweet fame. You have 2.8 hours for your fans to enjoy your hacky fucking comment about a great person’s life while people legitimately mourn. Because they are DEAD. And you are just being “edgy” while taking a dump - figuratively and literally.

    But it’s not just the hacky mean Tweeters that get to me. If Dolly dies (IF), why should I take it upon myself to point out how much more I loved her than everyone else? If way more people show up to your friend’s funeral than you expected, do you ask them to leave? She deserves every ounce of praise the internet could muster and more.

    I’m just so tired of the true fandom police, the snarky “Twitter sucks” police, the timely knowledge police, and people who think it’s not comedy to express a real feeling or offer a genuine tribute.

    After several rounds of examination following celebrity deaths, Sean and I have narrowed the worst offenders down to the following types. 

    If you want to be the absolute worst, you should do any of these things the next time someone famous dies.

    IT’S OK TO HAVE EMOTIONS. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU.

    I’ll Be Your Shitty Shitty Mirror: 20 Ways to Be The Worst Person When a Celebrity Dies.

    - by Amy and Sean

    image

    1. QUICK! Try to announce it first whether you care or not!

    RIP Lou Reed :(

    2. Pretend another celebrity with a similar name died.

    Lou Reed died? That sucks. I loved Mambo No. 5!

    3. Be a straight up insensitive dick with dead celeb name in the hashtag only

    Big surprise that decades of drugs and drinking can kill you. #LouReed

    4. Make a Shitty Overused Pun

    More like Velvet Six Feet Underground

    5. Make a well-intentioned but overused pun

    What an imperfect day #RIPLouReed

    6. Start a Parody account

    @LouReedsGhost: I’m walking on the wild side!

    7. Be the hoax watch dog

    You guys should be careful about announcing someone’s death before it’s confirmed #VivaLouReed

    8. Be a pretend double hoax!

    Lou Reed’s death is a hoax!

    9. Meta Tweet about how you joined the conversation after everyone else already knowing and now feel self-conscious about expressing real feelings

    Did you guys hear Lou Reed died? Of course you did, it happened 5 minutes ago. #RIPLouReed :(

    10. Pull the ol’ double celebrity news joke

    I can’t believe Chris Brown killed Lou Reed

    11. Pull the double celeb news joke + imply that the life of this other famous person who is still alive is worth so much less than the guy who died even though you know neither one of them personally.

    Lou Reed’s dead and Miley Cyrus is still alive? #GodIsntReal

    12. Let people know you’re a true fan with a heavy dose of sarcasm

    That’s so cool how much you all like Lou Reed today.

    13. Be a true fan but remind everyone of that shitty thing he created once

    Lou will be missed. Lulu will not. #RIPLouReed #MetallicaSucks

    14. Imply Old age/ Cultural irrelevancy

    Wait, Lou Reed was still alive?

    15. Post a pointless real-life encounter anecdote

    I once saw Lou Reed buying mangos in a bodega. He picked up every single mango before choosing one. #RIPLou #Mangos

    16. Acknowledge the singular and quickly-shifting nature of Twitter trends and how you are so much above it even though you are ACTIVELY PARTICIPATING.

    I guess now that baseball is on, we can all stop talking about Lou Reed.

    17. Struggle to make the most obscure super-fan reference

    “I’ve been thinking of leaving for 35 years now. Im almost ready.” #LouReed #BlueintheFace #RIP

    18. Speak ill of the dead + be super condescending

    I always thought Lou Reed was pretty arrogant and obnoxious, but I’m glad so many people like Sweet Jane

    19. Make Obituary-based puns

    More like LIVER fatale! #LouReed

    20. Be Morrissey

    Life is a pigsty

    (Actually that one was awesome)

    Thank you to seasoned comedians like Richard Lewis and Marc Maron who have learned how to feel things and say them out loud. I look up to you!

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