Here’s me and my family doing our impressions of Man U star Cristiano Ronaldo making his “I was fouled!” face. It’s very similar to Kobe Bryant’s pursed-lip “I was fouled!” face, but with a few key differences. For one, Kobe makes the face as he runs back up court, shaking his head in mock disappointment. Ronaldo makes the face as he slowly limps to his feet following a minor run-in with a defender, tears welling up in his eyes after 2-3 minutes spent writhing on the ground, and after 2-3 replays have shown incidental contact.
Basically, Ronaldo dives so flamboyantly, Greg Louganis thinks he should tone it down. He flops more than Vlade Divac and Reggie Miller combined. If Cristiano Ronaldo were a folk song about a mulberry bush, he’d be “Flop Goes the Weasel”. In fact:
- If Cristiano Ronaldo were an outdated computer data storage device, he’d be a floppy disk.
- If Cristiano Ronaldo were a prop-heavy children’s board game, he’d be Floperation.
- If Cristiano Ronaldo were one of Peter Rabbit’s siblings, he’d be Flopsy, and he’d constantly exaggerate his collisions with other rabbits to make Mr. MacGregor give Cottontail a yellow card.
- If Cristiano Ronaldo were a building where prostitutes worked during the Old West days, he’d be a flophouse. And Wayne Rooney would frequent that place a lot.
- If Cristiano Ronaldo were a semi-truck that transformed into a robot - a robot that fell down and clutched its robotic knee after every slide tackle - he’d be Floptimus Prime.
