I was scheduled to headline a comedy show tonight. Since there were six people in the audience, I told the organizers I would be watching the end of the Finals at a bar three blocks way, and return for my set an hour later.
When I got to the bar, it was midway through the fourth quarter, and Orlando had a slight lead. Fandom was split: not between Laker fans and Magic fans, but more between Laker haters and Laker fans. The true Laker fans were superstitiously switching position, hoping for better luck from different TVs, whereas Laker haters were discussing Dwight Howard’s free throw aptitidue, or, bizarrely, stories about Mickael Pietrus’s rookie year with Golden State.
The defining hater/fan moment came when Kobe Bryant fouled Dwight Howard under the basket with ten seconds remaining. Immediately, the haters around the pool table began shouting for a flagrant foul. From my balcony spot, I said, “Really?”, and made a thumbs-down gesture. From his new spot near the bar, my roommate responded more emphatically, with two raised middle fingers. Psyched out by the hard Kobe foul, or possibly Chris’s emphatic reaction, Howard missed both free throws, and Derek Fisher tied the game with a dagger three.
Next to the pool table, a man in a Rasta hat turned to me and said, “Man, the series is over.” Laker haters give up much quicker than Laker fans. But they recover quicker too. Rasta Hat said, “Man, how do you not guard Derek Fisher with five seconds left?’ Then he paused. “By the way, if you need any pot brownies, just let me know, bro.”
