Sean Keane Comedy

Episode 3 of “The 51st State”, from the Democratic...

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 01:10:38 -0700

Episode 3 of “The 51st State”, from the Democratic National Convention, and the best one yet! Dan unveils his t-shirts for the Hillary 2016 campaign and carries around his own “glass ceiling” for Hillary supporters - including Gloria Allred - to break. Keep watching for his inspection of the Denver riot police.

That's Not Cadence, That's More of the Same

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 23:05:39 -0700

Joe Biden’s speech featured a call-and-response refrain, “That’s not change, that’s more of the same!” However, he kept saying the second part at different speeds, so the audience had no chance to say it along with him, as appeared to be the plan. When people weren’t catching up, he started saying the first part slowly, and pausing, but then rushing through the second part. “That’s…not change…thatsmoreofthesame.” I felt bad for the old delegates from Delaware in the front row desperately trying to keep up.

Also, much like NBC spoiled plenty of Olympics results, MSNBC spoiled the surprise Obama appearance with a chyron warning about it ten minutes early.

"obama biden is an anagram for babe domain"

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 22:33:12 -0700

“obama biden is an anagram for babe domain”

- Omar Seyal, social observer (via indian)

"Carrot Top needs to do some jokes like Steven Wright, and Steven Wright needs to have some props."

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 02:58:28 -0700

“Carrot Top needs to do some jokes like Steven Wright, and Steven Wright needs to have some props.”

- Gallagher, from SFStandup.com

My Interview With Gallagher, Part One

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 02:57:00 -0700

My Interview With Gallagher, Part One:

Part One of my long-awaited interview with comedy legend Gallagher. Here’s an excerpt:

Have you seen Carrot Top recently?

Yes. I don’t know what’s going on there.

It seems like he’s trying to rip off your muscle jacket, but with his actual body instead of a prop.

I agree. You know, he was hiding his homosexuality all these years, and I think that he’s just coming out of his shell. I guess it’s exhibited by his interest in his own body.

Maybe not the most disgusting toy of all time, but possibly the...

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:44:49 -0700

Maybe not the most disgusting toy of all time, but possibly the most unsettling commercial.

“How wet can you get from a Love n’ Licks pet? So wet, you should wear a bathing suit!”

(Via molls…she wrote)

My Australian pal, comedian Dan Ilic, has tricked someone into...

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 02:13:59 -0700

My Australian pal, comedian Dan Ilic, has tricked someone into paying him to cover the American presidential election. Here, he reports live from Denver.

Nato Green Plays the Race Card on the Huffington Post

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 00:19:27 -0700

Nato Green Plays the Race Card on the Huffington Post:

Selected excerpts:

Second, how does one play the race card from the bottom of the deck? If you’re going to sling metaphors, please try a little to be coherent. Is Mr. Davis suggesting that the bottom of the deck is dirtier because it touched the martini-soaked cocktail napkin of class warfare?

And:

America elected a President who was a b-list actor and c-list politician in 1980, so today the political career of Fred Thompson doesn’t appear as freakish as it really is. Yet Dennis Kucinich is unelectable, because as a nation we have an issue with hobbits. We’re not even close to shattering that glass ceiling or fjord or whatever.

Also:

Take the polls about white voters who won’t vote for Obama because he’s black. Not only do they hold such notions in their feeble minds, some of these voters will actually say so out loud. On the phone. To a total stranger.

And finally:

Is the only suit in the deck of race cards spades?

US Champion “Hot Lixx Hulahan” performs two songs on...

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 00:13:50 -0700

US Champion “Hot Lixx Hulahan” performs two songs on his way to winning the World Air Guitar Championship in Oulu, Finland. You can have Michael Phelps - Hot Lixx is a true American hero, and not secretly a dolphin.

Excerpts From the Spanish Diary - by Woody Allen

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 12:06:28 -0700

Excerpts From the Spanish Diary - by Woody Allen:

“APRIL 2

Offered role to Scarlett Johansson. Said before she could accept, script must be approved by her agent, then by her mother, with whom she’s close. Following that it must be approved by her agent’s mother. In middle of negotiation she changed agents — then changed mothers. She’s gifted but can be a handful.”

indian: I hung out with Reggie briefly last night. As per...

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 15:33:48 -0700

indian:

I hung out with Reggie briefly last night. As per Sean’s suggestion, I asked him if he could down 8 shots in 11 seconds. He laughed, I (co-opted Rajeev’s background and) told him I was from Valparaiso, Indiana, and he introduced us to his posse. Then we had a drink. It was solid.

Vamsi! From downtown!

My Text Back and Forth with Obama at 3AM Last Night...

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 13:59:47 -0700

azizisbored:

Barack: I’ve chosen Senator Joe Biden to be our VP nominee. Watch the first Obama-Biden rally live at 3pm ET on www.BarackObama.com. Spread the world!

Aziz: Hey man, that’s great. I’m actually asleep, I’ll catch ya tomorrow.

Barack: No man, we gotta party! Come out!

Aziz: That’s all good, I’ll party up tomorrow.

Barack: Quit being a bitch, come out!!!!

Aziz: I’m good man.

Barack: BIden said you are a pussy.

Aziz: I’m pretty beat man, tell Joe congrats.

Barack: Come on playerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Shawties got dem apple botttom jeaannns, and da booots wit da furrrrrrrrrs….

(After 4 minutes of no response)

Biden: WAKE

Biden: YO

Biden: ASS

Biden: UPPPPPPPPPPPP

Biden: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Aziz: Fuck! Okay! Where you guys at?

Barack: Shit. Bar closed up. We heading to get food now. Brunch/Death Race tomorrow?

Aziz: Sure.

Maybe I will just reblog Aziz Ansari content all day.

azizisbored: Oh shit! “Swagger Like Us” (Jay Z feat. T-Pain,...

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 13:40:57 -0700

azizisbored:

Oh shit! “Swagger Like Us” (Jay Z feat. T-Pain, Kanye, Lil’ Wayne) leaks, “Paper Planes” sample and all. Thanks commenters.

UPDATE: Mr. Cho duly notes some details I missed on the ID3 tags of this track…

TI feat. Kanye West, Jay-Z, Lil’ Wayne and MIA - ‘S.L.U. (Swagger Like Us)’

Produced by Kanye, this song is NOT for ‘The Blueprint 3’ but it’s actually off TI’s new album.

It’s unclear as to whether or not this song got cleared by Jay to get leaked, but since it’s not tagged, have at it dudes.

"i am not totally sure the jungle has sharks, honestly."

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 01:43:15 -0700

“i am not totally sure the jungle has sharks, honestly.”

- Sean Keane, moments after using the term “jungle sharks” (via chrisgarcia) (via seankeane)

I’m pretty sure the Amazon jungle has sharks - bull sharks in fact.

“and the notorious Bull Shark (Carcharhinus leucas), all of which penetrate far up freshwater rivers — the Bull Shark has been recorded some 2,600 miles (4,200 kilometres) from the mouth of the Amazon River — and some even complete their life cycles in freshwater.”

Source:

http://www.elasmo-research.org/education/topics/p_fw_rays.htm

(via interstate)

Vindication!

Jokes About The Olympics With A Short Shelf Life, Part Two

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:15:24 -0700

Stand-Up Comedy Anxiety Dreams

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:29:09 -0700

Stand-up comedy takes up a lot of my time and mental energy, but only recently has it begun to also invade my subconscious. This week, I had two notable stand-up comedy dreams.

1. The Punchline was having a comedy showcase during a Giants game. I was scheduled to perform early, but I had a hard time finding the stage. When my name was announced, I had to sprint across the outfield, and vault the center field fence to climb onto the makeshift platform that had been set up for the comics. In all the excitement, I completely forgot my set list, and decided I would riff about baseball. Unfortunately, I led with a joke about outfielder Randy Winn’s lack of team success.

“They really ought to call him Randy Lose,” I said, and the crowd immediately began booing me. I tried to continue, but I couldn’t compete with the angry crowd. I felt bad for letting down the Punchline people, who were waving me offstage, and I felt even worse when I saw Randy Winn standing in right field with his head down. He looked like he was crying. The last thing I remember before waking up was Lou Seal shaking his head in disapproval.

2. Gallagher decided to quit the business, and had chosen me as his successor. It wasn’t a Gallagher Too situation; in this dream world, I was replacing Gallagher completely, much like how succession worked for the Dread Pirate Roberts. Gallagher was very solemn about handing down the role. He ceremonially presented me with a striped shirt in a dry cleaning bag, a crisp hundred-dollar bill, and a handful of change, then patted me on the back and left.

I told my dad, who was there for some reason, that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be the new Gallagher. Dad asked if I’d taken the shirt, and when I said yes, he shrugged and told me I was stuck. In a very mundane conclusion to this dream, I struggled to find a computer to look up driving directions to my first gig as New Gallagher, in Modesto.

dalasverdugo: agsystems: Hidden Camera Prank Goes Bad Video I...

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 02:59:55 -0700

dalasverdugo:

agsystems:

Hidden Camera Prank Goes Bad Video

I kind of think this is how ALL hidden camera pranks should turn out. I always get really enraged watching those shows. “OH HAHA, WE EXPLOITED YOU FOR A CHEAP LAUGH!”

HAHA, I’m punching you in the face now!

It’s even worse when they try to substitute coffee crystals for full-bodied regular coffee.